My School Bullying Story: FAQ

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First and foremost, this website/blog is my journal. I’ve known for years that writing has therapeutic benefits… at least for me.

The  #metoo movement that exposed sexual predators like Harvey Weinstein was also a major influence and inspiration to me. At last… women who fell victim to the Weinsteins, Nassars and Cosbys of the world felt empowered by other victims who finally came forward and exposed their abusers.

Also, I was inspired by a man named Greg Barrett (born Greg Gay) who publicly confronted his main bully, Lance Hindt (superintendent of the Katy School District), in Katy, TX. during a school board meeting.

That is the purpose of this site: to call out and expose my childhood bullies/abusers.

Would you ask the same question to a woman who was raped 20, 30, 40 years ago? Trauma is trauma is trauma. I might not have been raped, but my trauma is just as debilitating and should be acknowledged just the same. To tell someone like myself, "it's not the same" or "that was so long ago" would be the most cruel, insensitive invalidation you could give.

In my adult years, I have been diagnosed with PTSD, Bipolar II Disorder, Cluster A Personality Disorder, Chronic Depression, Generalized Anxiety and Seasonal Affective Disorder. My symptoms include chronic hyper-vigilance, maladaptive daydreaming, intrusive thoughts, depersonalization, dissociation, perpetual racing thoughts and intense, weird and vivid dreams.

I started drinking in my mid-thirties to help drown out or numb the pain of my tumultuous childhood. After I realized the five episodes I had were panic attacks, I became addicted to Xanax. It helped at first until I developed a tolerance. It didn't do anything for my anxiety after awhile, but I couldn't fall asleep without taking one at night before bed.

CBT helped for awhile and I was making progress. But - then Covid happened. Despite that, I did manage to stop drinking and stay sober until an event triggered me 18 months later which sent me on a bender that would last for two years.

I'm currently taking Cymbalta, Quetiapine, Gabapentin, Hydroxyzine, Lamotrigine, Mirtazapine and Naltrexone for my psychiatric disorders and alcohol dependency.

In short, I need drugs or alcohol to cope. They're the only things that help.

Starting with the latter: what professional life? Because of all the bullying, exclusions and all-around non-acceptance by my "peers"; I have spent my youth and adult life working dead-end jobs. Why? Because bullies robbed me of any and all constructive self esteem and worth.

In regards to my personal life: my drinking has nearly cost me my marriage on several occasions. I have self-harmed many times by punching myself in the face when I've become inconsolably upset. Most recently (10.03.2023), I attempted suicide by driving to Meijer's on 331 in Mishawaka, IN where I parked on a delivery ramp in the back. I brought a garden hose and loaded firearm from home. I ran the hose from the exhaust of my running car into the driver side front window. I laid my pistol on the dash, I drank about ¾ of a fifth of vodka. An employee discovered me about an hour after I passed out, pulled out the hose and dialed 911. Long story short, I was involuntarily held on a seven day psychiatric hold at an in-patient facility.

I am a victim and I have suffered in silence (for the most part) for nearly four decades. I feel it's been a gross injustice to allow my bullies to go on with their lives like nothing happened. I think they should be provided with a daily reminder of their ill-treatment towards me. I figure if I can't forget, why should they? There's no statute of limitations when it comes to destroying one's life. If exposing these cruel, despicable and vile psychopaths brings them shame and reproach... this site has done its job.

Addendum: Since beginning my on-site protest at Kennedy Primary Academy in South Bend, Indiana; I have gravitated more towards bringing awareness to the short and long term effects of bullying. Change can and will only be made when everyone agrees a change can be made. It's easy to dismiss bullying as a "rite of passage" or "kids will be kids", but I strongly believe this is a dangerous mindset to have. Bullying isn't innocuous behavior. It's harmful and needs to end.

It is my desire to work hand-in-hand with schools to address change, I would encourage schools to seek out and speak with victims of bullying as a means to implement programs and/or actions to prevent bullying in the first place. I don't argue that there are bullying resources in place, but they seem to be resources after the fact. We need to rid society (especially in our schools) of this scourge.