An Open Letter To My Bullies Of Penn High School - Class Of 1990
A true account of the trauma I suffered from my bullies of Penn High School - Class of 1990
My Background
I was born crippled and spent my entire childhood emaciated. I came from a toxic home environment, as well as from a family teetering on the brink of poverty.
My health, physique and economic background made me the perfect target of bullies.
This website will recount in detail how I was bullied from 1984-87 at Schmucker Middle School within the Penn Harris Madison District in Mishawaka, Indiana.
My Experience
I was incessantly tormented at school. Most of the abuse was verbal/psychological but I was beat on a few times, as well. My only crime was being different
I was severely bullied and I would be diagnosed with PTSD later in life because of it. That experience has never, ever left me and I still struggle with the vivid memories of my tormentors nearly 4 decades later.
I wasn't just bullied... I was ostracized. Like poor Rudolph, all of the other reindeer would laugh, call me names and wouldn't let me join in any of their games.
My Life
The repeated "fight or flight" response I experienced daily in Schmucker Middle School has given me "trauma brain". Meaning, I am chronically hyper-vigilant and always on full alert. It's impossible for me to remain calm or free from stress without the aid of alcohol or prescription medications. And - I have been plagued by several illnesses and diseases that could very well have been caused by the stress of being bullied. Studies have been done to support this and they will be referenced here for your education.
I can't even begin to describe in detail as to how those experiences robbed me of a normal social life. I have never felt like I have truly belonged anywhere because of the bullying. At this writing, I have no friends. The only people I see are my wife, and coworkers. It's not because I am unable to find anyone to pal and hang around with. No, it's because I feel ill-at-ease being around people. So, my non-social life is partly by choice and partly by design.
Physical pain will eventually assuage over time, but hidden traumatic wounds never, ever heal or fade away.
Bullying is not a rite of passage. It's cruel and the victims (like myself) are the ones who have to carry the burden around with them for the rest of their lives.